Maybe no one has the ability to love me. I once thought that personality and kindness are the most important when it comes to loving. But owing to the accounts of my experiences, I must be wrong. I can see that to them, physical attraction is more important. I don't know. I refuse to believe and I am forcing to convince myself that intangible things are more important, but for many times now, it didn't seem to work. The reality that no one will truly love me slaps me on the face all the time.
I have witnessed couples and families that are happy together and I saw that they look good together physically. Especially when they are both good-looking and they have a happy family. There are even same-sex relationships with couples that are both handsome or beautiful and they look good together physically having good and lasting relationship. It makes me think that true romantic love is only experienced by people that have a normal body or ideal physical body. Makes us envious sometimes, but for me, always. Every time I see them is like having multiple slaps on my face. If those were true slaps, my face would look like processed red meat.
I have proven all of those many times but still I didn't seem to learn. It is because losing hope can also be hard for the thought that the one for you may pass by. Though I know that it will not come, I am still stupidly taking chances. Just like what happened to me just now. Do you wanna hear the story? Ok, it goes like this... I (again) thought that the person is "the one"! Even though I've learned so much in the past and the person passed my screening, still it did not work. The fact that the person came with me made me think that it is not merely physical attraction. The person stayed in the house for two days and one night and we made out two times. But there's something about this person that made me doubt. Because of my trust, I continued. By the time that it's time to go, I found out that the person is with another person. Ouch!
The person texted and I was still nice as if I don't know what happened after we parted that night. The person promised to come back but then the person is now asking me to give a gift in the form of a cellphone. Hehe... that made me laugh with sarcasm while reading the text. of course, I replied that I won't be able to give that gift. First, we have no relationship and we have only known for a couple of days. And why would I give a cellphone as a gift? Hehe! I should have known. Just another one in my own classifications of people who became involved in my love life:
A - Just wanted a piece of me, just wanted sex
B - Just amused or loved my kindness
C - Just pitied me
D - Used me for vengeance to others
E - Just wanted material things
F - Needs a friend/someone to lean on/confidant/help
G - True love
Those are the classifications that I made for people who are going into relationship with me. I have already experienced relationship for A, B, C, D, F, and most recently E, which really pissed me off yesterday until now. Good thing the person is almost star-quality. Don't like the person anymore, anyway I have already got a taste of that bitch, hehe! But I wish, I will also experience letter G on the list. But I'm not waiting. If anyone can convince me that letter G will still come to me, I'll give a PRIZE.
I have witnessed couples and families that are happy together and I saw that they look good together physically. Especially when they are both good-looking and they have a happy family. There are even same-sex relationships with couples that are both handsome or beautiful and they look good together physically having good and lasting relationship. It makes me think that true romantic love is only experienced by people that have a normal body or ideal physical body. Makes us envious sometimes, but for me, always. Every time I see them is like having multiple slaps on my face. If those were true slaps, my face would look like processed red meat.
I have proven all of those many times but still I didn't seem to learn. It is because losing hope can also be hard for the thought that the one for you may pass by. Though I know that it will not come, I am still stupidly taking chances. Just like what happened to me just now. Do you wanna hear the story? Ok, it goes like this... I (again) thought that the person is "the one"! Even though I've learned so much in the past and the person passed my screening, still it did not work. The fact that the person came with me made me think that it is not merely physical attraction. The person stayed in the house for two days and one night and we made out two times. But there's something about this person that made me doubt. Because of my trust, I continued. By the time that it's time to go, I found out that the person is with another person. Ouch!
The person texted and I was still nice as if I don't know what happened after we parted that night. The person promised to come back but then the person is now asking me to give a gift in the form of a cellphone. Hehe... that made me laugh with sarcasm while reading the text. of course, I replied that I won't be able to give that gift. First, we have no relationship and we have only known for a couple of days. And why would I give a cellphone as a gift? Hehe! I should have known. Just another one in my own classifications of people who became involved in my love life:
A - Just wanted a piece of me, just wanted sex
B - Just amused or loved my kindness
C - Just pitied me
D - Used me for vengeance to others
E - Just wanted material things
F - Needs a friend/someone to lean on/confidant/help
G - True love
Those are the classifications that I made for people who are going into relationship with me. I have already experienced relationship for A, B, C, D, F, and most recently E, which really pissed me off yesterday until now. Good thing the person is almost star-quality. Don't like the person anymore, anyway I have already got a taste of that bitch, hehe! But I wish, I will also experience letter G on the list. But I'm not waiting. If anyone can convince me that letter G will still come to me, I'll give a PRIZE.
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